the things we lost
by lokisadopted
Summary: Now it all makes sense, now I realise how blind we have all been to what was hiding right in front of us. The big family scandal, the big secret, the down bringer of the Thawkins family. Elena Blackwood Thawkins just move to Forks with her mother and siblings. School, depression, anger and fear lead their lives as they try to start over again. [Elena/Edward]
1. Chapter 1

Now it all makes sense, now I realise how blind we have all been to what was hiding right in front of us. The big family scandal, the big secret, the down bringer of the Thawkins family. Elena Blackwood Thawkins just move to Forks with her mother and siblings, school, depression, anger and fear lead their lives as they try to start over again. [Elena/Edward]

The things we lost: prologue

"Let go of me!" the young woman tried to pull her wrist out of the man's clutch. "Get your filthy hands of off me!" another attempt to break free earned her a deep chuckle that send a shiver down her spine.

A harsh tug on her wrist send her falling backwards and into the body of her assailant. The first thing she noticed was the rotten stench of death that clung to him and made her gag. The second was that he stood as firm as a brick wall despite his slender stature.

And the last thing, that she noticed –and failed to notice before hand- were his eyes that gleamed an eerie red colour under the shadow of his hood. He was several centimetres taller than her 1m64 and was towering over her in an intimidating fashion.

"if you do not let go of me I will scream." She calmly told him, the quiver in her voice however made it all too clear that the poor woman was terrified. And when he did nothing, she opened her mouth took a deep breath and right before she could utter any sound, a hand covered her mouth.

"shut it woman" he growled. His head lowered towards her hair and he took a deep breath. She could feel the grin against the top of her head and her heart sunk. What could she do? She could still hear his voice through the speaker of her phone and it brought tears to her eyes to know that her love had to hear this but could not do anything about it.

A hand travelled down her body, while she was held against her attackers body in a strong grip. Button by button her coat was opened to reveal her pencil skirt and blouse. A deep chuckle made her freeze, stopping her attempts to free herself. As his hand travelled down again to lift up her skirt bit by bit, she started screaming behind the hand that pressed against her mouth, her struggling returning and tears escaping her closed eyes.

Perhaps she was right in thinking that everything was going too well, it was only a matter of time before something were to bring her down again into the dark abyss. After 2 and a half years of building up courage and an image. After 2 and a half years of clawing her way out of her dark thoughts she was finally living her life again. She could withstand being left alone, people leaving her for ever and taking care of her siblings. She could survive anything life threw at her… but time she wasn't even sure if she would make it out alive again.

-o-

A/N: hello there, I hope you will join me on this journey of 'the things we lost'. Elena Blackwood Thawkins is a character I've had in mind for so long but I never knew where to put her. So when I finally decided I was excited and I hope that she will grow on you. I try to make her as much as a real person as I can, I don't mean to make her a second Bella nor do I want to make her too overbearing.

Reviews, constructive criticism and concerns are always welcome. I love to hear what you have to say and they always help me in advancing.

I try to update once a week, but I can't promise anything. I am a university student so I'll be busy most of the time.


	2. Chapter 2

The things we lost chapter 01

Sometimes life doesn't seem fair, all the good things happen to people that don't really deserve them. Looking back at my younger years, I should have noticed the little signs and hints that were left by relatives. Now it all makes sense, now I realise how blind we have all been to what was hiding right in front of us. The big family scandal, the big secret, the down bringer of the Thawkins family.

After one life changing event, one would expect some peace and quiet, an opportunity to get back on your feet and continue living your life. The universe however works in strange ways because the complete opposite happened to us. Forks was the worst thing that could have happened to us after the big change. But at the same time it was the best thing that happened to us in a long while. It ripped us apart, and brought us together, it gave us new opportunities and took some away. Life and death seemed to lose their meanings and wonder. I am Elena Blackwood Thawkins, let me tell you my story.

I looked out of the window, trying to distract myself from the strange people that were sitting in the car with me. "Are you exited to live with your mother?" one of the social workers asked. They have been trying to get me to talk to them for over an hour now, but my answers were short and to the point. "Yes of course I am" the 2 hour drive from Aberdeen to Forks seemed to last longer than it should have, and with me being the eldest child it only seemed natural that I would be in the other car as my mom and my other siblings took the one in front of us.

The sky was clouded and it seemed like it could start raining at any time now. Sighing I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the window in hopes of getting a small nap before arriving at my new home.

Everything changed so fast, in two weeks my whole life was turned around, I leaned things I never wanted to know. There was misplaced guilt and regret eating away at my inner being and more than once I thought about just fleeing. I kept wishing that things would have just stayed the same, but wishing never got anyone anywhere.

Standing in front of the mirror, I analysed my appearance, green eyes, rimmed with amber, light brown straight hair, a round face and full lips that were slightly chapped due to the horrible weather. An average face for an average girl I suppose. Tearing my eyes away from the girl in the mirror I wandered around my room in search of my satchel.

"Alex, Noah, Elena are you awake yet?!" the voice of my mother awakened the house, there was a sudden increase of noise as both my brothers went looking for their books and trying to put on their shoes. This new routine was still strange to us, it being our first day at a new school didn't help either.

My heartbeat was slightly elevated, and my hands were shaking a bit as I thought more and more about school, meeting new people, starting all over again as a new girl. Taking a couple of deep breaths I finally stepped out of my room and went downstairs to grab something to eat.

After getting a snack for later and saying goodbye to my mother and little sister I put on my chesterfield coat –my clothes being the only thing I had left from my life before Forks- and hopped on my bike: the downside of living with a mother that can't drive. Arriving at forks high, I parked my bike and went to the administration office.

"Hello dear, can I help you?" Finally I looked up as the woman behind the desk talked to me. "Euhm yes, I am the new student, Elena Thawkins?" As I watched the face of the woman, I saw confusion. "I was told to come here before class?" Again there was confusion as she was looking though some papers. "I'm sorry dear but I can't seem to find your name."

Realising my mistake I tried again. "Euhm try Elena Blackwood." this seemed to work as she immediately pulled out a folder and gave it to me. "okay, these papers need to be filled in and signed by your parents or guardians, and brought back to the office before next week." She put them into the folder and pulled out 3 other papers. "this needs to be signed by your teachers for the following week, so we know that you show up." She saw the confusion on my face. "Don't worry dear, it's standard procedure. This is a map with your schedule on and lastly a list with all the things you will require for your classes."

I was almost ready to leave when I remembered. "Sorry I don't mean to inconvenience you but, is it possible to send a copy of all my reports to my consultant?" almost as an afterthought and with the needed embarrassment, I told her to send a copy to our social worker too.

Finally walking out of the administration office I went to my first class.

So far my first day was good, I went by unnoticed, I enjoyed my management class and my foreign language class, statistics was still horrible but that was to be expected. Lunch came and went, and as I didn't like to be seen eating by others, I spend my time outside –since it was only cloudy and not raining-.

"Hey, new girl!" oh no. "Finally found you." I was greeted by the bright smile of black haired boy. "Eric Yorkie, you must be Elena Blackwood" seeing my face probably conveyed suspicion -as to how he already knew my name- he quickly added "word travels fast in a small town." Nodding once I continued walking, hoping to escape the awkward pleasantries and to just go home instead.

Despite my efforts to escape, I soon realised that Eric was actually a pleasant person to talk to. Reluctantly, and with the needed reminders to myself to act normal I found myself in his company during my last class talking about Aberdeen. With the promise of another conversation, and good company we both left the school building, him walking towards his car, me walking to my bike.

Looking up at the grey sky, I really hoped it would not start raining before I –or the rest of my family- got home. As I was unlocking my bike, my phone buzzed

Can you go get your brothers? Ilona is being difficult –mom

Finally getting home, with Alex, Noah and I being completely soaked by a sudden downpour it was a race to the shower that I unfortunately lost. After changing into a pair of harem pants and a tank top I went downstairs. Walking through the hallway, I could hear Alex yelling about someone on his game killing him, I could hear Noah singing in the shower and I heard Ilona talking about her first day in primary school.

As I passed by some of the old photos that now had a permanent place on the wall I couldn't help but feel a bit sad. But the feelings were quickly dispelled because some things never changed. Because It were the little things that brought comfort to us.

The liveliness of the house despite its old look, the warmth of a family despite the cold weather and the smell of home in my mother's cooking. Yes it wasn't that bad, we'll get through this, and come out stronger and better than ever.

I am Elena Blackwood and this is how I survived


	3. Chapter 3

The things we lost: 02

Adjusting to the new setting wasn't as difficult as I would have imagined it being, people despite my obvious distrust in them were fairly friendly in this small town. My mother had already found herself a few other moms to talk to while we were at school.

Speaking of school, it wasn't all that bad, after noticing my discomfort of big crowds and new people; Eric –my new found friend in Forks high- took it upon himself to make sure I ate with him and his friends instead of alone. Promising to keep others away from 'the new girl'

It was quite sweet in my opinion but that doesn't take away the fact that the cafeteria was still a crowded place and it made eating so much more difficult. If this keeps going on, I'll be as skinny as a stick by the time I graduate. Over the weeks, the hype around me, the transfer from Aberdeen died down and was replaced by the new shiny toy that would be arriving any day now. Isabella Swan is her name if I am not mistaken, the daughter of the police chief.

According to what Angela Weber told me, she used to live here with her mom and dad but after their divorce she moved with her mother to Phoenix Arizona. Isabella Swan was the topic of every conversation for the following days until she arrived. Even my own mother, still an outsider in this little town knew all the new gossips and had already talked to Charlie Swan about it.

"Elena! Are you awake yet?" I sat up groggily, my eyes trying to adjust to the light that filtered through my curtains and hit me right in the face. As I looked at the clock, I sprang up. "oh no" I muttered to myself as I tried to find all my books for that day and tried to put on my clothes at the same time.

As any other heroine in their own story it was only logical that I fell down while trying to put on one of my socks. As I groaned in pain, I stole another look at the clock, only making me groan once again. No time for breakfast I thought as I ran down the stairs only stopping to put on my shoes and coat.

Only just making it on time to school, I walked at a brisk pace to my class, only pausing to say hello to Angela. Finally reaching my class, right before the second bell rang, I had to take the only available seat right in front of Emmet Cullen, probably one of the only boys in this school that intimidated me to the point of wanting to phase through my chair and the floor.

French want by at a painstakingly slow pace, and while I normally enjoyed my language classes, I felt nervous. Because those amber coloured eyes were observing my every move. It came to the point where I was almost afraid to breath. How do I know that he was observing me? Sometime during the second half of the period, the silence was broken by a gruff voice telling mister Cullen to focus on his work instead of the person in front of him.

When lunch finally came I was hungry beyond belief, and for once I was considering to eat in the cafeteria. Waiting by my locker -where I normally met Eric or Angela so we could go to lunch together and meet the others there- my thoughts started to wander. So far this day has been rubbish, waking up late, falling down, almost getting run over on the way to school, one of the Cullens that has been observing me….

I checked my phone, it's been 10 minutes already. _Maybe they are just running late _I tried to reason with myself. But as 5 more minutes passed I did what I did before I started joining Eric, Angela, Jessica and Mike. I went to sit outside. As I walked past the cafeteria I couldn't help but look inside and there sitting on what was my usual spot, was the new girl.

Finally seeing her I could understand the fuss, from what I would see she was fairly pretty, with long brown hair a nice face and of course she was skinny, not overly so, she still had that soft look. Finally I turned around and continued to one of the benches that were a bit nearer to the forest that surrounded the school. I hunched over and tried to make myself as invisible as possible when I saw the Cullens and Hales walking past. I could feel their eyes on me, burning in my back.

I was one of the first in the classroom, and as I took my seat, to wait for Angela –who was my lab partner most of the time- I noticed that one of my buttons was missing on my satchel. It wasn't anything significant or important but it still stood out to me. Soon after I saw Angela walking in, followed by the new girl who went to the teacher to introduce herself just as I had to do.

As Angela saw me sitting at our table I saw the recognition in her face. "Elena, oh I am so sorry I was supposed to meet you at your locker." I forced a smile and shook my head. "It's fine Angela, I went outside to eat. The weather wasn't absolutely horrible for once." Taking out our notebooks, we fell into a comfortable silence.

The class had started filling up in her absence and it seemed like the new girl had to take the only available seat next to Edward Cullen. As I kept observing, I saw him stiffen and scoot away from Isabella as she took her seat. I almost had to supress a giggle as I saw her try to sniff her hair discretely and afterwards pulling it over one shoulder to act like a curtain between the two of them. I almost felt bad for her.

Class seemed to fly by, perhaps it was because it was about cellular anatomy –something that I did find interesting at the moment- or perhaps it was because it was fairly amusing to watch the copper haired Cullen lean away and Clench his fist in what seemed utter disgust.

The moment the bell rang, he was out the door and I was almost impressed at this considering the door is on the other side of the room. we packed up our things and almost as an afterthought Angela turned her attention to Isabella Swan.

"Bella, this is Elena Thawkins, the missing person at lunch." I looked almost surprised at being introduced. "euhm, hey?" I offered and she smiled a bit, nodding at me.

The next day, proved to be better, well better considering the day I had yesterday. When I arrived there was no rain yet, though the clouds were thick and grey, the hype around the new girl seemed to have died down a bit. Classes went by and during lunch I was once again sitting at our usual table with the same people plus Bella.

Speaking of Bella, she seemed on edge and despite my prejudices about her I knew what it was to be the new guppy in a sea of sharks. I elbowed her gently before I even realised what I had done. I swallowed nervously as she looked at me. "everything alright?" I asked her, now that the others were engaged in their own conversations. Her eyes were still scanning the cafeteria only pausing on the Cullen/Hale table. That was all I needed to know. "Edward?" I asked her and took a sip of my water bottle.

"Don't worry about it" I tried to give her a smile as reassurance but even I couldn't deny that it was odd for him to have that reaction and now be missing. Normally he had Spanish with me but he didn't show up. I pitied her I realised, my first days at school were bad but she's been here for a day and already a guy went missing. "Are you enjoying Forks?" I tried to start a conversation with her, in the hopes to distract her.

For the rest of lunch us two brunettes had a light conversations about seemingly random things. And as we walked together to yet another biology class I came to realise that she wasn't all that bad. she was shy sure, a bit awkward yes and perhaps that's why I felt like I could talk to her.

Once again I had to meet my brothers at their school so we could go home together and once again I had to decline an invitation to hang out with my new found friends. Perhaps it was better like that, I wouldn't spend too much time with me either if I were to be honest with myself.

"mom?" sitting there with her head hung low was Helen Blackwood. "mom? What's wrong?" when I was close enough, I put my hand on her shoulder, making her look up at me. It was then that I saw the letter in her hand and I realised what was wrong. "It wasn't your fault you know." I bent down and wrapped my arms around her in an attempt to console her.

It was a busy and stressful evening for me, between trying to make my homework and entertaining my little sister. I also had to cook, clean up and make sure my mother didn't do anything stupid. So when I finally was able to drop down onto my bed, I was relieved.

The next morning was an early one for me, with my mom still out cold from her sleeping pills I had to make sure everyone got to school on time. I prepared some snacks for everyone, dressed Ilona, woke up Noah and Alex and got them all out the door to go to school.

Finally after what seemed like hours, I sat down in my European history class. My head dropped down onto my crossed arms and I sighed. I closed my eyes, in search of some peace and quiet before class started.

"you'll be late for your next class" a melodic voice brought me back to consciousness and I quickly sat up right. "you should probably go to bed early today." And as I looked up I saw Alice Cullen smiling down at me. What stroke me as peculiar were her honey coloured eyes. Not because of the colour, but because they seemed to know something, they held knowledge beyond my or anyone's comprehension.

"Euhm yeah, thank you." I told her quietly as I tried to hastily pack my things again. As I looked up, she was already gone. Alice Cullen was peculiar, she was strange, an enigma. Not like the other cullens/hales weren't but there was something about her that just screamed odd. Was it the way she skipped through life? Or her pixie like appearance? Perhaps it really were her –seemingly- all knowing eyes.

But it was in that moment that I felt as if it was my goal to figure her out.

A/N: hey you guys, I know this will end up being an Edward/Elena fic but for the following few chapters I want her to be intrigued by Alice. I actually hope to get to the book events soon. I want to reveal her family history bit by bit. I try to drop hints every now and then but it seems a bit off to me... I fear that my writing is of such low standards though, not because I don't try but more because I don't have the right wordings for things. If anyone is willing to Beta me that would be amazing!


	4. Chapter 4

the things we lost chapter 03:

"we missed you on Friday." Of course there was the underlying question of 'where were you' but I acted like I didn't notice and just nodded. My attention was focussed on one particular table. With my head supported by my hand I gazed at the 4 seemingly flawless teenagers. There was the model like blonde, Rosalie hale. With next to her the intimidating Emmett Cullen with his dark hair and broad muscles. Edward Cullen was a sight for sore eyes with his tousled hair and smile. Jasper Hale was as gorgeous as ever with his honey coloured locks and strained almost nervous facial expressions. Next to him sat the current object of my fascination. Alice Cullen with her pixie like appearance and easy going aura.

It took a nudge from Bella to snap me out of my thoughts and I blinked and sat up straight again. Only then did I notice that Alice Cullen had send me a small wave while the others looked either 'passive' or confused.

Mike started talking about his epic battle of the blizzard that he was planning after school in the parking lot. I wanted to join, really I did but I had to decline. Some things were more important than playing around in the snow. I left the lunch room early with some lame excuse about not feeling so well.

I stepped outside going for the bench that I used to sit at before I really started hanging out with the others. With my hands in my pockets I waited until it was time for class.

Biology would prove to be less interesting than the 'conversation' that was being held by Bella and Edward Cullen. It wasn't anything significant. Except for the fact that he seemed more polite and less strained then last week. When we had to start naming the different phases of mitosis in the onion root slides I tuned out their conversation for the most part. While I know that it was incredibly rude to listen in to other people's conversations I just couldn't help but try and satisfy my curiosity.

"Did you get contacts?" I looked up from my paper suddenly and looked at the two of them. I couldn't see either of their faces so it was difficult to interpret.

"no" the tone in which this one word was said seemed rather dry, no exactly surprised by the random question nor offended.

"oh, I thought there was something different about your eyes" Bella mumbled. Edward Shrugged and looked away from his lab partner. My own lab partner nudged me and my attention snapped back to the microscope that sat between us. My attention span seemed shorter than ever. Perhaps I was really getting sick?

Mike skipped over to Bella's side to pick up her books, briefly the two of us made eye contact and it was almost like we had the same thoughts. Him wagging his tail like a happy golden retriever.

"that was awful," he groaned. "They all looked exactly the same. You're lucky you had Cullen for a partner." I bit my lip to keep myself from commenting. That was just rude.

"I didn't have any trouble with it, I've done this lab before, though Cullen seemed friendly enough today." We all put on our raincoats well everyone but me who had to make do with my chesterfield coat no matter what type of weather it was.

I said my goodbyes to everyone and offered an extra smile to Bella before going my own way to my next class.

* * *

><p>I clasped my hands together in front of my face to blow some warm air onto them. I scowled at my bike. Perhaps I would have to invest in a new car. Now that the move is over and everything has been taken care of including the costs for our lawyer… I could save up for a small car maybe… I stood there for a while longer before sighing and leaving on my two wheeled death trap.<p>

It was by some stroke of luck that I barely missed being run over on my way home and I grumbled once my heart started beating at a normal pace again.

"I'm home" I dropped my bag on the sofa and walked to the kitchen, intend on finding something to munch on. As soon as I set my eyes on the two of them I turned around, picked my bag back up and spend the rest of the evening in my room. I really didn't like that man and I don't understand why my mother keeps going back to him every single time.

The next morning was once again one of those where you'd rather stay in bed than face the big bad world. The driveway was almost completely covered in ice and I already dreaded the ride to school. Patrick had offered to drive us to school yesterday and I was almost tempted to suck up my pride and ask if I could still come along. But I didn't. instead I texted Bella asking if she could maybe pick me up. After all, she had offered to drive me home yesterday as well.

The reply came quickly and I had to make a serious effort not to look smug when I was once again asked if I wanted a ride from Patrick.

"Honestly, thank you so much for the ride Bella. You are an angel." The red truck was perhaps not one of the most beautiful cars but it seemed sturdy and well taken care of.

"You smoke?" I asked as the warm air of the truck hit me. It smelled faintly of tobacco.

"Oh euh, no the truck used to be from Billy, " as she realised that I unlike everyone else hadn't grown up in this area she clarified for me. "a friend of my father." I nodded and we fell in a comfortable silence.

This was something that I liked about her, she didn't feel the need to hold small talk this early in the morning. Her truck seemed to have no problem with the black ice that covered the roads but this didn't encourage her to not drive slowly. I could see why, one bad ice patch and this thing would carve a path of destruction through main street. I smiled at that. Yes I liked this.

When we got to school, I exited first. Though I was held back by my books that fell out of my bag only after a couple of steps. I sighed and knelt down to pick them up. Noting that none of them seemed to have any substantial damage other than a couple of dirt patches I stood back up. I looked around when I noticed a high-pitched screech that seemed to become painfully loud fast.

"Bella!" I called her name and reached out to her. I would like to say that everything slowed down in that moment –just like in the movies- but this was not true. Everything seemed to go faster. I was able to pull her closer to me but something hit us, hard. Not from the side that we were expecting it though. Then there was the crunch of the van folding around the truck bed. I hit the ground hard, my shoulder and hip taking most of the impact force unlike bella who hit her head against the icy blacktop. The van was still coming. It had curled gratingly around the end of the truck end, still spinning and sliding, it was about to collide with us.

Two long white hands shot out protectively in front of us, and the van shuddered to a stop, a foot from Bella's face. With me being behind her, I did not see that the large hands fit into a deep dent in the side of the van's body.

The van settled, the glass popped onto the asphalt. It was absolutely silent for one long second before the screaming began. In the abrupt chaos, I could hear more than one person shouting Bella's name. the yelling seemed to be drowned out however by the low frantic voice of Edward Cullen.

"Bella? Elena? Are you all right?" I was mildly surprised to hear him say my name. it seemed absurd that he would know it. then again everyone had known of me when I just arrived. I tried to sit up. this however seemed to not one of my better plans. For starters I was pinned between Edward – who seemed to have an iron grasp- and Bella. Then there was the sudden pain in my shoulder that made me fall back down.

"I'm fine" Bella's voice sound strange not as poised as she probably thought she would have sounded.

"Be careful," he warned us having noticed my reacting at Bella's struggling. "I think you hit the ground pretty hard." I was already aware of the throbbing pain in my shoulder and hip but bella uttered a surprised "ow."

"that's what I thought." His voice, surprisingly, sounded like he was suppressing laughter. I zoned out, trying to get my mind of the pain that moving seemed to cause me. Every now and then I would feel the vibrations in Edward's chest when he spoke. In some way it was comforting. Then there was his scent it was the most bizarre thing. He smelled of the cold but also like nothing I've ever smelled before. I could faintly pick out something spicy. I focussed on it and was able to relax a bit more. It was only later that the severity of it all would hit me.

I zoned back in when I felt the vibrations of his chuckling.

"you were over there, you were by your car." His chuckling stopped.

"No, I wasn't." I couldn't see his expression because my head was turned away from him.

"I saw you." Bella said. "Elena, you saw him too right?" she directed her question to me and I had difficulties forming a coherent sentence –mainly due to the pressure that was placed on me when both were expecting my answer.

"I—" I really didn't want to sound like a lunatic because I believed her. "I didn't see him Bella, I mean I was too focussed on my books and then you and—" I shut up after that, my heart was racing and my eyes were wide. I really hadn't noticed him.

"Bella, I was standing with you, and when Elena pulled you closer I pulled you both out of the way." My eyes were focussed on anything other than the two of them.

"no." she said. And Edward sounded almost pleading.

"why?"

"trust me," now that sounded like a plea, his voice was soft and it was overwhelming even if it wasn't directed at me.

We could hear the sirens now. "Will you promise to explain everything to us later?" he replied with an exasperated fine and the argument was over.

My hands were shaking and my breathing had gotten a bit harder, honestly my hip still felt fairly ok but my shoulder was absolutely killing me. A large cold hand reached for mine and tried to still it. I was grateful for the sign of comfort no matter how awkward it was.

It took six EMT's and two teachers –Mr. Varner and Coach Clapp – to shift the van far enough away from us to bring the stretchers in. Edward vehemently refused his, and Bella tried to do the same but he told them she's hit her head and probably had a concussion. I think she almost died of embarrassment when they put the neck brace on. Then the attention was directed to me. Edward had already let go of my still shaking hand. I too received the mandatory neck brace but was more focussed on the amber eyes of a certain copper haired teenager than the humiliation of being wheeled into the ambulance.

Naturally, the ambulances got a police escort to the county hospital. I was however slightly surprised when Edward simply glided through the hospital doors unlike us two females who had the 'luxury' of a stretcher.

They put us in the emergency room, a long room with a line of beds separated by pastel-patterned curtains. A nurse put a pressure cuff on our arm and a thermometer under our tongue. Honestly I didn't see the point of the thermometer. When the nurses left, Bella quickly unfastened the Velcro of her neck brace and threw it under the bed. I chuckled slightly but was interrupted by a wince.

There was another flurry of hospital personnel, another stretcher was brought into the room. It was Tyler Crowley who was hidden beneath blood stained bandages wrapped tightly around his head. Tyler looked hundred times worse, but he was staring anxiously at us.

"Bella, Elena, I'm so sorry!" Bella took over the conversation part as I just listened. It became clear that during my fall -while trying to brace myself- I had dislocated my shoulder. Luckily I was one of the cases where it popped back in on its own. This however didn't mean that the pain wasn't as bad but at least they didn't have to knock me out.

An x-ray confirmed that there were no broken bones and that Bella was in fact completely fine. When I had the chance I asked as nurse about my mother. "Was my mother notified?" Today was one of the days where she had to go in for a therapy session.

The nurse nodded. "We left a message on her phone because we couldn't reach her." I thanked her and turned my attention back to the girl that was sitting next to me. Tyler was still trying to apologise and Edward was if I was correct teasing the brown haired girl.

A doctor walked around the corner, and my mouth almost fell open. He was young and blond, incredibly handsome despite the circles under his eyes. He went to Bella first.

"So, miss swan," Even his voice was beautiful. "how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine' she said. He walked to the light board on the wall, and turned it on.

"your X-rays look good, does your head hurt? Edward said you hit is pretty hard." Speaking of Edward he was now standing closer to my bed, his attention was still fixed on the other girl in the room but every once in a while he would send a glance my way. The first few times I didn't notice but in the end I flashed him a small smile.

"well, your father is in the waiting room – you can go home with him now. But come back if you feel dizzy or have trouble with your eyesight at all."

"can't I go back to school?" honestly Bella, why would you want to go back there so soon. It would be a madhouse. I scowled and got a breathy chuckle in reply.

"Maybe you should take it easy today."

She glanced at Edward "does he get to go to school?"

"Someone has to spread the good news that we survived," Edward said smugly sending a quick glance my way as I chuckled slightly.

"actually," Dr. Cullen corrected, "most of the school seems to be in the waiting room." Belle groaed and covered her face with her hands. Dr. Cullen raised his eyebrows at that. "Do you want to stay?"

"no, no!" she threw her legs over the side of the bed and hopped down quickly, too quickly because she staggered and Dr Cullen had to catch her. He looked concerned.

"I'm fine" she insisted.

"Take some Tylenol for the pain," he steadied her.

"It doesn't hurt that bad,"

"It sounds like you were extremely lucky,' Dr Cullen, smiling as he signed the chart. "unlike your friend over here. Miss Thawkins." He directed his attention to me now.

"lucky Edward happened to be standing next to us"

"oh, well, yes. " Dr. Cullen agreed, suddenly very occupied with my papers.

"You were apparently not as lucky as miss Swan." He smiled gently and checked one last time for tenderness before offering me some pain medication and the advice to ice my shoulder every 3 to 4 hours and wear a sling for a couple of weeks.

"well you are good to go Miss Thawkins." That smile of his only made his face seem younger and I just nodded dumbly before remembering that I had no way of getting home. I was brought to the waiting room, passing by Edward and Bella who were in a heated conversation.

"I don't like to lie – so there'd better be a good reason why I'm doing it." Bella's statement confused me mainly because I wasn't able to hear the rest.

The waiting room was more unpleasant than I'd expected. It seemed like every face I knew in Forks was there –even some that I didn't- staring at me –and Bella when she finally joined me-. The moustached man rushed to Bella's side and it was then that I realised that he was her father. My face fell instantly and my stomach dropped. I stayed where I was, on the side, away from everyone.

Bella's father put one arm behind her back, not quite touching her, and led her to the glass door of the exit. She waved sheepishly at her friends, hoping to convey that they didn't need to worry anymore and send me a last wave too. Slowly everyone left. Jessica, Mike and Angela came to see me before they left too. It was then that I realised that I was alone and I sat down in one of the chairs. I tried to fish my phone out of my pocket to send a text to my mom.

_Dislocated my shoulder. Discharged already. Bella is ok too. X –E_

Edward, after his argument with Bella had seemingly disappeared. It was a couple of minutes after my texting struggles that someone sat down next to me. I briefly looked up to see dark amber eyes staring at me.

"Not going home?" it was almost as if he knew that I in fact couldn't.

"No, I can't. Bella was my ride home and… well" I trailed off. There was a long silence before I heard a sigh and felt a tap on my good shoulder. He motioned for me to stand up.

"I can drive you home if you want?" I didn't ask him where his car came from or how he knew where I lived. I was grateful that I wasn't stuck for hours at the hospital. We didn't really talk all that much but I found his presence relaxing and that was enough to compensate for the awkward silences.

* * *

><p>AN: Here is the next chapter of The Things We Lost. It took me a bit of thinking before I found a way to actually make Edward and Elena meet. Even now I am a bit uncertain about it but I suppose it'll have to make do. I have written out the major plot points and well as some of the original content it is now a matter of filling everything in between. The reason why he is still reacting to Bella will also be explained later on. My exams are almost over. Only 2 more and I'm free!


	5. Chapter 5

The things we lost 04:

When my mother finally escaped the clutches of our psychiatrist, she called me. The panic was evident in her voice. It took me a while to calm her down, telling her that it wasn't that serious. When she finally hung up, I sank down into the cushions of our sofa. It suddenly hit me hard that if Edward hadn't pushed us aside things would have been worse. If something happened to me, who would take care of mom, she already lost so much.

Bella texted me a while later, asking if I got home alright and if I needed a semi-permanent ride to school. I smiled, she really was an absolute angel. The following month we fell into a routine. Bella would pick me up and after school she would drop me off, In the weekends, we would hang out –at her place obviously because a house with 3 other kids in it wasn't exactly a teenage safe environment-.

At school we were the centre of attention for the rest of the first week. Tyler Crowley was impossible, always following at least one of us around. He was obsessed with making amends. Convincing him that there was nothing else for him to do than try to forget that anything had happened –although the sling that my arm was resting is was contradicting this.- was a pain but he remained insistent though. He followed us between classes and sat at our already crowded lunch table. Mike and Erik were even less friendly towards him than they were to each other and that was saying something.

No one however seemed to be concerned about Edward –who was technically also involved in the accident- Bella tried to convince everyone that he was the hero and I confirmed this. However, everyone always commented that they hadn't even seen him there till the van was pulled away. It made me think about what Bella had said. Despite my fuzzy memory of what had happened, Edward was indeed not standing next to us.

I glanced over at their table. Like always they were alone, not eating, talking among themselves. Alice would send the occasional glance my way and Edward would look at Bella or me every once in a while but the other just ignored us.

I stood up, explaining that I still had to get my book before class started, which wasn't technically a lie since I did have to get my book. I just didn't feel like sitting at the over-crowded lunch table any more. I can only take so much of bickering boys and chattering girls -and of course the annoyance that rolled off Lauren-

I jumped slightly, and a sound that resembled a squeak escaped my mouth when I found Alice Cullen standing right behind me ready to tap my shoulder.

I was however smart enough to have put my book in my bag already. No need to further embarrass myself with dropping it too.

"Hello Elena," her voice was melodic and her smile made me feel at ease but I was still a bit puzzled as to why she was standing there.

"oh, Alice, hi," I adjusted the strap of my bag so it would rest a bit more comfortable on my shoulder. "was there something that you wanted to talk about?"

"How are you?" I was getting so tired of this question but I remained polite none the less. My gaze dropped down to the sling that kept my arm in place.

"Well, you know…" I didn't really want to complain, it could have after all been a lot worse. But after the initial mandatory questioning about one's health, I realised that Alice was a rather pleasant person to talk to. She was very welcoming and accepting, she had this feeling around her that made you want to trust her. She was patient when I would give short answers , or when I didn't really know what to say next. I don't exactly know how it had happened but I found myself standing in front of the biology classroom with her mobile phone in my hand and mine in hers. A couple of students passed by and looked bewildered at the two of us exchanging numbers. I smiled at her when she left.

I waved at Bella when she entered and I received a smile and a quick hello in return.

After class she seemed to be slightly less happy and I had a feeling that it had to do with Edwards slightly more than cool treatment. On the other hand, Mike seemed to be rather pleased by this. It was obvious that he was at least slightly interested in Bella. As the days went by Edward's attitude remained unchanged. Mike became more confident and even started sitting on the edge of Bella's table before Biology class started.

After that one dangerous ice day, the snow had disappeared, Mike of course was disappointed that he wasn't able to have is epic battle of the blizzard but being the ever optimistic golden retriever that he was he became excited about the idea of a beach trip. The rain however continued to fall.

On the first Wednesday of march, Jessica wasn't her usual gushing self, she was silent as she walked with me between classes and I didn't know if I should ask why. We weren't particularly close after all.

At lunch, she sat as far away as possible from mike and instead chatted animatedly with Eric. Mike too was unusually quiet. I left early like always -only now it was to meet up with Alice outside where we would talk until it was time to merge with the sea of students-. Bella was perhaps my self-proclaimed best friend but Alice came a close second.

* * *

><p>"I was wonder if… well, if you might be planning to ask me." I stumbled as I heard those words, a few people sniggered at me and I quickly sat down as to not further embarrass myself. How would you react if that was the first thing you heard when walking past your (self-proclaimed) best friend and a mutual male friend.<p>

"Mike I think you should tell her yes," Bella replied.

"Did you already ask someone?" Mike's eyes wandered towards Edward.

"No," she assured him. "I'm not going to the dance at all." Well this wasn't new information to me, and honestly it didn't surprise me at all.

"why not?" he asked her. I saw this as the perfect moment to jump into the conversation, perhaps even saving Bella from further questioning.

"We were going to Seattle that Saturday." I told him and Bella quickly nodded.

"Can't you go some other weekend?" he asked us I gave him a quick apology that it couldn't be moved since it has been planned for a while now.

"you shouldn't make jess wait any longer, it's rude" she told him, then he stood up, dejected and walked back to his seat. Bella gave me a quick 'thank you' and I smiled at her. I had barely missed it but Edward looked at me. Which was already something special but what really surprised me were his eyes. No longer were they a gorgeous amber colour, no they were black.

* * *

><p>After school, I reached the truck first. As I stood there, waiting for Bella to arrive, Eric came up to me. "Hi, Elena." I smiled at him like I usually did and offered him my usual small wave. My thoughts were still consumed by the sudden change in Edward's eyes. I understand that eyes can change colour depending on which colours appear in the eye. but those were usually subtle differences. This was an extreme change from amber to black.<p>

"—would go to the spring dance with me?" I blinked a couple of times, shook my head to clear away all my unnecessary thoughts and gave Eric my attention.

"Sorry euhm. Bella and I will be in Seattle that day. Thank you for asking me, even though it is girls' choice." I nudged him playfully hoping that it would at least cheer him up a bit.

"oh, well maybe next time." He said and I nodded at him. Honestly he was a sweet guy but him and Angela would be better suited for each other.

I head a low chuckle. Edward was walking past the front of the truck, looking straight forward. He gave no clear indication of having heard the conversation though. Bella arrived soon after. She yanked op the door and jumped inside slamming it loudly again. she revved the engine deafeningly and reversed out into the aisle. I wanted to ask what was wrong but that didn't seem like such a good idea with mister Culling having cut her off. A line was beginning to form.

There was a knock on the passenger side window and we both looked over; it was Tyler. I looked over at Bella asking if I should crank the window down and she nodded. It was stiff, and I only got it halfway down before giving up.

"I'm sorry, Tyler, I'm stuck behind Cullen" she told him, it was obvious that she was annoyed.

"Oh, I know – I just wanted to ask you something while we're trapped here" he grinned. I tried to keep my face clear of any indication of laughter but it became increasingly difficult.

"Will you ask me to the spring dance?" he finally asked her.

"I'm not going to be in town, Tyler." Her voice sounded sharp, something had most definitely pissed her off and it had probably been her biology partner.

"Yeah, mike said that," he admitted and Bella asked him why he would have asked if he knew.

"I was hoping you were just letting him down easy." He shrugged and then turned his attention to me. "how about you Elena?" he smiled at me and I was slightly flabbergasted. Honestly he just got rejected by Bella.

"I'm going with Bells here" I averted my gaze from his and instead looked at the silver Volvo in front of us.

"That's cool. We still have prom," and before either of us could respond, he was walking back to his car. Bella too looked forward and saw Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper all sliding into the Volvo. In his rear-view mirror, Edward's eyes were on us. He was unquestionably shaking with laughter, as If he had heard every word Tyler had said.

_To: Alice Cullen  
>Can you believe this. Tyler asked Bella to the spring dance, got rejected and then asked me... while she was in the car too?! –E<em>

"See you tomorrow Bella" I told her as I walked up to my front door. Most of the car ride was silent until we were able to find the humour in what had just happened.

The first thing I noticed when I walked into the house was that the extra pair of shoes that didn't belong to any of us were gone. The next was the complete and utter mess of the living room and finally the sound of loud sobs. I dropped my bag on the sofa, and stepped into the kitchen.

There was my mother, she was a sobbing mess. Her hair was knotted and messy -most likely from the constant disturbance from her hands – her face was red and blotchy, and her mobile phone was tightly clutched into her hand. It was always difficult to see her like this, she was such a strong woman. I didn't want to say it but it slipped out and I almost instantly regretted it.

"I told you he was bad for you." After that I didn't know what to do, I wanted to comfort her but didn't know how. So in a pathetic attempt, I put my hand on her shoulder and rubbed soothing circles on it. Ilona, Alex and Noah came home soon after and I was able to take my leave. Little Ilona would be a better support than I was. My phone laid forgotten in my bag as I tried to clean up the house as best as I could with one arm.

Mom had taken her medication and took a seat in the living room while I tidied up the kitchen and made some spaghetti. It wasn't the best food but it would have to do.

Finally at 9:30 pm I was able to retreat to my own room. everything was taken care of and everyone was off to bed. While pulling out my French book I remembered that I was texting Alice. I wasn't expecting this many messages though. A couple from Alice, one that continued our conversation and 3 other asking various other questions including if I was all right. Then there was an excited text from Jessica who's date for the spring dance was Mike. Angela had asked me about her and Eric and then there was Bella. The only person who had a vague idea of the inner workings of the Thawkins household.

_To: Alice Cullen  
>Sorry, family troubles needed to be taken care of. Now homework. Talk to you tomorrow -E<em>

_To: Bella Swan  
>Patrick left, mom was a sobbing mess. Took care of everything. Now homework. CU tmrw –E _

There was a reply but I didn't have the time to read it. this would take me ages to remember. Why had I even continued taking French. As I had predicted, it took me a couple of hours to complete everything and by the time I was done it was barely worth it to go to sleep. I went to the bathroom to freshen up and then went downstairs.

* * *

><p>That morning was a bit of a haze. I was able to get everyone out of the door on time, one of my mother's friends would stay with her during the day and by the time Bella had arrived I was already exhausted. She send a comforting smile my way but didn't ask anything. I took the opportunity took take a small nap.<p>

When she pulled into the parking lot, she parked as far as possible from the silver Volvo. It was quite clear that the temptation to take care of that paint job was still there. I yawned and exited the car giving her a goodbye and making my way to my first class. I still had a couple of minutes and I would use them wisely.

The rest of the morning passed in a blur. I was incredibly tired and a headache would soon follow. By lunch I was rubbing my temples in a pathetic attempt to sooth the pain in my head. There was no way that I would survive lunch in the cafeteria. My appetite was as good as lost anyway.

I spend my time outside where it was quiet and by the time it was time for class my head felt slightly better.

There was a mostly one-sided conversation going on between Angela and I when Bella arrived and settled into her seat. Mike and Angela both stared at her. Mike looked, for lack of better words, resentful; Angela looked surprised and slightly awed. I however looked confused.

"I'll tell you later" She told me right before Mr. Banner came in the room. he was juggling a few small cardboard boxes in his arms. He put them down on Mike's table, telling him to start passing them around the class.

"Okay, guys, I want you all to take one piece from each box," he said as he produced a pair of rubber gloves from the pocket of his lab jacket and pulled them on. The sharp sound of the gloves snapping into place made my head throb and I groaned quietly.

"The first should be an indicator card," he went on, grabbing a white card with four squares marked on it and displayed it. "The second is a four-pronged applicator –" he held up something that looked like a nearly toothless hair pick "—and the third is a sterile micro-lancet." He held up a small piece of blue plastic and slit it open.

"I'll be coming around with a dropper of water to prepare your cards, so please don't start until I get to you." He began at our table, carefully putting one drop of water in each of the four squares. "Then I want you to carefully prick your finger with the lancet…" he grabbed my hand and jabbed the spike into the tip of my middle finger. I frowned slightly and my heart felt heavy.

"Put a small drop of blood on each of the prongs." He demonstrated, squeezing my finger till the blood flowed. And in my opinion it took a bit too much force for my blood to show itself.

"Then apply it to the card," he finished, holding up the slightly red cards for everyone to see. That didn't look like nearly enough blood to me.

"The Red Cross is having a blood drive in Port Angeles next weekend, so I thought you should all know your blood type." He sounded proud of himself. "Those of you who aren't eighteen yet will need a parent's permission – I have slips at my desk."

He continued through the room with his water drops. I looked at Bella who's cheek rested against the cool black table top. She really didn't look alright. I grabbed Mr. Banner's attention and motioned to the girl in front of me.

"Bella, are you all right?" Mr. banner sounded quite alarmed.

"I already know my blood type, Mr. Banner," her voice sounded weak.

"are you feeling faint?"

"Yes, sir,"

"Can someone take Bella to the nurse, please?" I was ready to offer her my help since I had already finished the blood typing but Mike beat me to it.

"So are you going this weekend? To the beach?" Mike was already done too so had turned to Angela and me.

"I don't know…." I told him and I honestly didn't know. I didn't exactly feel like going to La Push.

"Either way, we're meeting at my dad's store, at ten." He told me right before the bell rang and we had to switch classes. It was soon after that I received a text from both Bella and Alice, telling me the same thing. Bella went home because she was sick and Alice would drive me home. I was at the same time disappointed because I would have to miss our 'after school giggle session' but I was also happy because I got to spend a bit of time with Alice.

The car ride was filled with laughs and general pleasant conversation it was different that's for sure but I wouldn't mind spending time with this pixie girl out of school.

"Would you like to come over this weekend?" it seemed like she was thinking the same thing. Despite her having asked this only seconds ago I was still debating whether or not I had imagined it. Me going to the place where no other student at Forks High had been? To hang out with one of Cullens at that. Of course I was. But there was the issue of the beach. My decision however was quickly made.

"That would be nice." My smile was as wide as it could go.

As we were nearing my house, my mood darkened though. I was not looking forward to another evening like yesterday.

* * *

><p>AN: I'm trying to put out as many chapters this week as possible. Because I know I will procrastinate otherwise. It's another one of those boring chapters and I can't deny it. I do that the next one will be a bit more insightful in the inner workings of the Thawkins household. As you have noticed the mother seems to be rather unstable and Elena is sort of a second mother.


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